John Maradik The Monk on TV I called my girlfriend over to look at the monk on TV "I wouldn't be caught dead setting myself on fire like that," she said the monk's face looked still as the flames engulfed him "Let alone fly all the way to Tibet," she said his corpse flopped over "It gets on my nerves," she said a group of nuns stood around the monk "Are you all right?" she asked "Yeah, I'm really good," I said I stared into the faces of the nuns I stared into their simple faces proudly, they stood over their charred, disfigured friend "I don't think it's good for you to watch this much TV," my girlfriend said "How much smoke can come out of one person's body?" I asked "You're scaring me," she said "you've been watching TV for six days straight" "And counting," I said the monk's spirit was going to climb out of his body any minute now I wasn't going to miss this my girlfriend grabbed my head "You have a terrible fever," she said "And you're high. How high are you?" I didn't know and it wasn't my problem I was from a separate universe a bad kind of universe where the people are all bad the monks are perverts and I am their savior