Sarah Bridgins

Ocean of Storms

It's melodramatic to say you're an orphan
when you're an adult.
Yes, my parents are dead,
but it's not like I became
a ward of the state.

I take pills to save
my shedding hair,
to fill the holes
in my dissolving bones.
to speed my heart,
and make it ache
from something other than grief.
I tease my ex-boyfriend
by threatening to leave him
things in my will.
He accepts my cat,
refuses my books.

I spend my father's money
on things that will make me
too beautiful to die, or at least
too beautiful to care
that everyone else already did,
expensive red lipstick,
a dress covered in birds
flying toward nothing.

My new mantra is:
What doesn't kill you
leaves you alive.

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